January 3, 2012  Tuesday

Feeling quite a bit better than last week, though dinner tonight almost did in my stomach.  Jalapenos were just too spicy.  Early to bed tonight and very early up in the morning for work.  Would rather eat dirt, but gotta pay the bills.

Second assignment for my on-line writing class is due this week, along with the start of my second class.  What was I thinking?  Right.  Getting down the family stories that are almost forgotten and making money.  THAT'S what I was thinking.  I'm not shooting to be the next Charlaine Harris.  I just wanna make a living at something I find interesting, stay home when the weather sucks,  and where no one dies if I misspell a word.

Monday January 2, 2012

Good grief,  I really dropped the ball on posting!

Been sick for several days, tho not so much I couldn't enjoy having time at home with the spousal unit.  Missed 3 days of work.  Feel incredibly guilty, but then it isn't my fault the company allowed our staffing level to fall below "doable."  They've been warned many times and chose to ignore it.  Too bad my co-workers were the ones to take the brunt of it, but our OT Whore is back from long-term, so I'm hoping he was happy as usual to get more time.

Hubby set me up with a new monitor in the office and I can use a full-sized keyboard along with my Mac laptop as a docking station.  Yippee!!!  Need to get this monitor tuned up, but other wise it's a nice improvement.

Also got a Toshiba net book for Christmas.  Really like it.  Much smaller and lighter than my laptop.  Small enough, in fact, that I'm not too tempted to surf, FB or otherwise piss off while I'm using it.  It's for writing.  Period.

Felt well enough last night and today that I worked with hubby on the office.  God, what a mess!  I found the top of my desk again.  Who knew it was green?  Fixed the lamp, so have a working desk light.  (Fixed another lamp with his help yesterday.)  Found a large amount of mom's family history I didn't remember having.  Good grief!  Pictures.  Atta-girls and job info from my last several employers and colleges.  Nice.  Large pile of unanswered letters and cards from family and friends.  Not so nice.  Bad kitty!

Sunday night was clear and gorgeous.  Icy cold, crisp, bright stars.  New fireworks ordinance had lots more folks than usual playing with explosives.  Very nice displays over Fire Lake by some of the homeowners, and quite a few on this side of the highway.  Something like 68" if snow so far this year (only 71" all of last winter, I think), so no real fire danger out here.  Hope there were no issues in town or on Hillside.

Veronica says the cold snap is over in Seward.  Hope it ends here soon.  It's a beautiful ice fairy land sort of place outside, but freaking hell it's cold.  -10 the past couple of days.  I know it will get colder, but I'm ready for a little warmer.  +20s would be about perfect.  No freeze/thaw cycle but not hard ass cold.  If only.

December 19, 2011  Monday

R.I.P. Vaclev Havel.  You did good by your country.  

Hmmm.  In retrospect, Bailey’s wasn’t such a great idea.  Headache and masto reaction, tho thankfully a mild one.  Headache is at least in part due to our old bed.  Hope that will get taken care of in a few weeks.  Yippee!!!

Brain fog delux today, even worse than the past few days.  Believe it's mostly due to the stress yesterday.  I was having to medicate heavily to keep going.  Worried enough I brought out an Epi-pen to keep beside me.  Can’t think my way out of a wet paper bag.  So much to do.  Commented to a friend on FB that I’m so far behind I may as well be heading in the other direction.  This is one of those “live in the moment” days because I can’t seem to remember all the stuff I’m supposed to be doing!  Coffee didn’t help, either, tho it and a muscle relaxer finally killed the headache and neck pain.  

Signed up for two WD writing classes last week.  Already a bit behind, but I can catch up in a day or two with a clear head.  Hope I haven't bitten off too much.  Really looking forward to learning!

December 18, 2011  Sunday

Work sucked beyond belief today.  Widespread electrical outages took down routers and I lost contact with a significant portion of my system for a few hours.  Unusually warm and erratic temperatures and a string of mechanical failures on other company’s systems that impact us lead to a truly dreadful day.  I based my system control decisions on experience from the previous day and prior week.  Of course the situation went in a diametrically opposite direction, so what I hoped would protect my system did protect it but left my change out partner in a bind with too much of a good thing.  His shift was no doubt difficult because of my choices.  

Too much or too little?  When production is threatened, I lean toward too much for the simple and very real possibility that problems will lead to failures and ultimately there won’t be enough to satisfy basic demands.  Recently it’s been a good bet.  Yesterday it wasn’t.  

We work alone on nights, weekends, and holidays, so the constantly ringing phone was my only companion.  Called a manager for decision making concerning a contractor, but was pretty much solo other wise.  It’s a very lonely place when things go to hell.  Knowing it’s my last shift for 10 glorious days got me thru.  

At home tonight I read on FB that my dear friend, who’s already had a challenging year featuring, among other trials, the suicide of a young family member, will be flying back stateside on Christmas day to visit her brother in his final days.  He’s a longtime alcoholic, who jumped into a bottle when Bobby Kennedy was murdered and has seldom ventured out since.  A bright man, Columbia law, a promising start, now a wasted life.  

Kim Jung Il died.  No grief here.  I hope his country can survive with no clear successor.    Wonder if they’ve figured out he wasn’t divine? 

A large glass of Bailey’s cut with water and chipped ice, seems like a great idea.  

December 17, 2011  Saturday

Work is becoming less fun by the day.  12 hr shifts are so hard to recover from.  Long drive in in the dark and a long drive home on equally dark, slick roads with loads of traffic.  I’m not having fun these days.  

December 16, 2011  Friday

I spoke to Fearless Leader about my shifts.  Told him after the new guy is trained up I’m going to officially request a cut in hours.  They allowed that several years ago without having to use my vacation time or losing benefits.  I’m hoping they will do so again.  There has been a drastic change in command and philosophy in HR since the last time. I’m not getting my hopes up, but we’ll see.

He took the communication opportunity to blame my department lead for just about everything imaginable, knowing, of course, she was off for the day.  Arrogant ass thinks he’s a good manager and blames the department problems on everyone but himself.  Explains why he’s unusually attentive and cruises thru whenever the old manager is in the building.  Feels he’s being upstaged and sidestepped by him and our lead.  Doesn’t seem to understand that someone has to make timely decisions to keep things going. 

Bitch, bitch, bitch.  I gotta get out of this place...

December 15, 2011  Thursday

OK, just haven’t felt up to writing the past couple of days.  Been feeling bad, mentally and physically, “self-medicating” with food, not exercising, getting too wrapped up in work conflicts, loathing my schedule, unable to recover from long work hours and accompanying fatigue, Masto in an uproar...  Saw the doc yesterday and she’s not pleased at all.  Put me back on several meds I’d managed to get off of for a time.  

Highs are fewer and further between and lows are deeper and last longer.  Something about the low carb eating plan seems to greatly help my body and mind and even put a damper on some Masto symptoms.  It warrants more serious attention than I’ve previously given it.  The hellish part is the carb cravings may dull a bit, but never, ever end.  Worth it, I think, to reduce the pain level.  Certainly helps my joints and muscles ache less and my thoughts are clearer.  Doesn’t allow for the “self-medication” aspects, though.  Protein doesn’t supply the “hit” I’ve so often used to get thru difficult times.  I realize I’m using it as a drug.  My innate ability to rationalize points out that, unlike alcohol or recreational drugs, humans cannot function without food.  There are flaws in that argument I’m not entirely ready to tackle.

Just signed up for a couple of Writer’s Digest University courses, one starting today and another at the end of December.  Both last a number of weeks and will compel me to write, submit, deal with critiques, and meet deadlines.  I can do them at home, the coffee shop, just about anywhere.  Were I working night shift, I could easily do them then, but after last week’s experiment, I’m not willing to go back there, at least not yet, but that’s a topic for another day.